The lady in this picture is my mom’s mom (those two kids are my cousin’s.) We called her Nen; certainly one of the sweetest souls that ever walked the Earth. I sat with Nen on the front porch of her house one hot summer afternoon in that two-seat gliding porch swing you see in the picture. Nen had a big mixing bowl in front of her and her apron was full of fresh green beans from the garden.

She picked up a long green bean, broke the ends off and then broke it in half. When she broke them it sounded like dried twigs snapping. I said, “Nen, why are you breaking the beans?” And right there she taught me a lesson that I still have in my heart. It’s been more than forty years since we spent that afternoon on the porch.

Nen said, “Mikie (nobody is allowed to call me that but her) it makes them cook up better.” I asked why and she tried to explain it. She invited me to break some too, to help her out. I did a few and then I picked up a bean and tried to break the end off and it wouldn’t snap. So I tried the other end. No luck. I folded it in half, still wouldn’t break. Nen just sat and laughed at me. I was working so hard on something that was never going to change. She said, “It’s a bad bean Mikie, throw it away.”

We sometimes fail to get rid of things that should be set aside. It could be bad music, vile comedians, destructive habits and even toxic people. Not to be harsh, but sometimes we need to end relationships that are not healthy. We need to have the courage to put away those things that hinder our efforts to live good and holy lives.

In the Old Book, Jesus said, “The kingdom of heaven is like a net that was let down into the lake and caught all kinds of fish. When it was full, the fishermen pulled it up on the shore. Then they sat down and collected the good fish in baskets, but threw the bad away. This is how it will be at the end of the age.” Matthew 13:47-50

Jesus taught, (and Nen did too), that the good should be separated from the bad. The bad is to be thrown away. What are the ‘bad beans’ in your life? Finding the good beans requires examination. It takes wisdom to know good from bad. It takes courage to make the choice. Be wise and brave.

telemicus out

People say it so often it’s become cliché—“I’m blessed.” I’ve heard it from athletes, movies stars, casual acquaintances and friends. It’s good to say it and to recognize that God is the source of all good things. However, for myself, I don’t use the phrase often. So as I consider the remarks I’m about to share I don’t say these words without a good deal of thought. I have really great parents. But as I grew up in Kirksville, Missouri I became friends with Keith and Rick Louder. They shared their parents with me and as they grew, their younger brothers, Scott and Corey also became very good friends. I have a second family and my other mom and dad celebrated their 50^th wedding anniversary last weekend. I am blessed.

Everything I know about Janet and Larry Louder I know in the context of family and church. They have both served since the time that we met with selfless devotion. I remember mom as the cook at summer camp. She prepared great food and though I was a kid, I noted that this was no typical camp grub we were consuming . . . it was pure greatness. Larry was the camp ‘gofer’ back in those days. (I think he even had a shirt that said “GOFER” on the back.) He served in every area that you can imagine. One summer my car broke down and he and Glen Browning worked on it for many hours over several days while I enjoyed being at camp. Larry is one of the sweetest, gentlest men I’ve ever known.

A few years back they purchased an old house in Greentop, Mo. and remodeled it. The finished product was beautiful. It was very much a dream house, yet they sold it and moved back to town in order to be able to serve the kids at church more effectively. Dad was an auto body repairman when we met. Mom had the guys still at home of course. Later on, Dad moved to remodeling of houses and building things. Every time I’m home he takes me out to shop and shows me what he’s working on. He just finished a project building new bunk beds for the youth camp. Mom eventually went to work for the medical college. She is now semi-retired I guess we would say. She has skills in many areas; cooking, sewing, serving big groups, saving money. She knows more tricks for fixing things than a handy man. She seems never to get frazzled.

Dad is serving the church as an elder. They are still helping in all the ways they can. I watched them mature as Christians too. They’ve learned new ideas and embraced new concepts of spiritual life that impress me as a hunger for God. They have over the years that I’ve known them, served in more ways than I can ever explain. Their example has been one of frugality, generosity, service, kindness and love. They have reproved, re-directed and nudged me in positive ways. They shared their lives and they treat my family as their own. Even my kids call mom, Grandma Janet. Caleb said she was the “coolest old person he ever met.”

The Old Books says, “Give everyone what you owe him: … if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor” (Romans 13:7). I certainly owe the Louders respect, and I wish to honor them for their service to God prompted by love and for the love and kindness to a teenage boy of whom I was one of many drawn into their lives by the exceptional people they are. I call them, my other mom and dad—and I am blessed.

telemicus out

Have you heard people excuse their mis-behavior by saying, “I come from a dysfunctional family.” It’s time to drop that excuse. I’m not a sociologist, but as I see it, dysfunction can either be constructive or destructive.

What I am calling destructive dysfunction cripples through all forms of abuse. Its perpetrators and victims are unable, or unwilling, to construct better more functional lives because they continue to ‘live the dysfunction’ without the support or resolve necessary to make healthy changes that lead to greater functionality. As a result, another generation is raised in destructive dysfunction and the cycle repeats. But by the grace of God, sometimes people reach the place where they refuse to continue that cycle. So they seek the help they need to make healthy changes, they break the cycle and begin the climb out of the grave of dysfunction.

Most of us (those reading this) were raised in constructive dysfunction. By that I mean, our families were not the picture of perfect mental and emotional health, but we worked through those things that were not ideal. This journey toward functionality—developing maturity through ministry, counseling and growth we construct better mental and emotional lives. This generally happens across the family system, meaning parents as well as children continue to develop greater functionality over time. We grow by the process and through the dysfunction.

Our other institutions function in much the same way. Churches are sometimes lead by individuals who have not matured into healthy functionality and as a result, they abuse their people and the church is dysfunctional. We are seeing more and more that churches have moved to constructive dysfunction models. These churches are thriving today.

I think America is a constructive dysfunctional country. Sure we have problems. We don’t always function in a healthy way. But we learn from mistakes. We get help when we need it. We change laws that are unfair. We clean up messes. We are sometimes too indulgent and permissive. And sometimes we fail to respond when we should. When we elect bad actors, we replace them hoping to do better. When policies get out of line with functionality, we call the congress, write letters and protest at Tea Parties.

America is a great country, not because we are flawless, but because we are a constructive dysfunctional people. Our families are great not because we do everything in the most enlightened and healthy way, but because we have learned that dysfunction is our natural state, but it is not our permanent state. Hopefully we are always learning, always growing, always maturing and becoming better, healthier people. If we as individuals move from destructive dysfunction toward healthy functionality, then our families, our churches and America herself will move that direction as well.

telemicus out

I bought this car from my little brother. He drove it for a while then it experienced some catastrophic mechanical failures and ‘sat up’ in my parents back yard for several months. A time came when I needed a car, so I made a deal with Scott to get it fixed and buy it from him. That was in about 1998. I drove it until about two weeks ago when it suffered another major break down. I decided it was time for me to get another car. So with that, I face the sad task of ‘doing something’ with the Laser.

It has seen a lot of good times. Scott had adventures that the world may never know about (and that is probably good.) Back in his day, the car was a sort of sea mist green or aqua color. In my day, when a fellow at a construction site lost control of his concrete saw, it rolled off his truck and into the side of the Laser. As a result, I changed the color to black. It was a great choice. The car has a beast of a motor for a 4 cylinder, it has a turbo and it will move! Its fun to drive. In its day, it was decked out–power everything and power to move as well.

Now its come to the end of the road with me. I put it on Craig’s List and the calls started right away. I’m sure someone is going to want to take it and bring the boy back to life one more time. It has about 224,000 miles. I have enjoyed it a lot. But I now have a new car (well, it’s new to me.) It’s a 2008 HHR Panel. I’ve always wanted a panel van and this is the perfect choice. My heart skips a beat when I walk out into the garage and see it sitting there. As you can see, it’s beautiful.

I’m very grateful for the Laser and all the good it brought into my life. I had a lot of fun with it and certainly got my moneys worth from it. I was very content with it even though its old and some things are not working like they used to… I can relate to that. I’m also grateful to have the Panel. It’s a thrill to see and drive it. I plan to keep it a long time. I don’t trade cars often. My philosophy is that if you pay 10K for a car, finance it for 5 years and then trade again, you paid 10K for that car. But if you paid 10K for a car and pay it off and drive another five years, well you drove that car for half price. So like the old Laser… the HHR Panel and me got a lot of miles to go.

One seeming negative to this story though—I filled up the Laser right before it broke down. Losing a full tank of gas was a big disappointment. When I picked up the Panel, I got in, looked at the gas gauge and found the gauge pointing proudly to full… I’m living in the bonus folks . . . grateful to be living in the bonus.

telemicus out

Last night, watching T.V. there was a scene in which an older man pleads the case of a group of people to allow them to hold on to life and dignity. His impassioned plea persuades the authorities. Later on the man’s son says, “You did a good thing back there. You didn’t have to, and a lot of people wouldn’t have done it. I am proud of you.” At this, a mist forms in the old man’s eyes and in trembling voice he says, “I appreciate that you see me that way.”

We sometimes discount the good we do and the good that we affect because we know ‘the real’ person that we are. We know the struggles, sins, failures and even dark emotions that, though very real, never draw a breath beyond the basement of our souls. But when we choose what is good, when we stand up for the oppressed, when we speak for those who have no voice—it is good. And when we do what is good, it pleases our Master.

The Old Book tells us “… how God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit and power, and how he went around doing good and healing all who were under the power of the devil, because God was with him” (Acts 10:38). When we do good in the world we are, in some small way, being like Him. And don’t tell me that doing good ‘in some small way’ isn’t enough. The story of Telemicus is about changing the world by doing good in a seemingly small way. Jesus said giving a cup of water in His name isn’t overlooked.

The point Id like to make here is this. The old man appreciated that someone saw his good act and said so. If you see someone do good, tell them. Tell your dad that you’re proud of him for being a stand up guy. Tell your mom that her patience is impressive. Tell your kids that you love their integrity. Let your friend know that you value their faithfulness. They will appreciate that you see them that way.

telemicus out

On Friday, January 1^st, a good friend passed from death to life. Andrea Canady battled leukemia for 23 months. During that time, she prevailed for several months. However, as if summoning reinforcements from hell, the cancer returned with a vengeance. I wish I would have known Andrea better. I’ve worked for her husband Mack twice in my career—when I was very new to the industry and for the last almost seven years. He really taught me the business and still teaches me today. The lessons of late are more about life than about drafting.

I’ve known the Canady family since 1983. Their kids, Andy and Heather, I knew when they were little. Now they have children of their own. Throughout the years, Andrea always supported and loved Mack, tempered him when he was fierce about something, gave wise godly counsel and seemed always to have a sweet sweet spirit. When she was going through treatments and would stop by the office, she always stopped and expressed her trust in God. My wife had a recurrence of a blood disease the same week that Andrea received her diagnosis of leukemia. Even while sick, Andrea always asked how Rhonda was doing.

Mack has been a good friend and mentor to me for many years. When his son Andy and I were both working for him and involved in ministry efforts at our churches, he always allowed us the flexibility to do both – even when it was not convenient or profitable to him. Going through this time dealing with Andrea’s illness, Mack never complained. When he talked, he has been open about his fear and his anger but without bitterness. I’ve seen in him a steadiness and faithfulness that is noble. That spirit doesn’t come from our nature it comes from God.

These articles that I post are primarily to point out that a person of noble character can make a difference in the world. In many ways, Mack and Andrea are one person and their character is noble. They certainly have made a difference in my life. I’m not sure how it happens on the other side of this life. But when she walked through the gates of heaven and met those who were waiting for her, I expect that somewhere in the background the angels were singing and the sweet sweet spirit of Andrea Kidd Canady was home.

telemicus out

Note: There will be a memorial service for Andrea at 10:00 a.m. on Saturday January 9^th at First Baptist Church in Rockwall.

According to the Urban Dictionary, phoning it in is to “perform an act in a perfunctory, uncommitted fashion, as if it didn’t matter.” I’m wondering today how many of us are phoning it in when it comes to life.

I heard a person talking earlier and he was asking an associate if he was busy. The associate said, “Well I’m looking at a grocery store sales ad. When I finish this I have a Target ad to look at.” Phoning it in. There is of course a little of that in every office, but for some, it’s a way of life. Zig Ziglar once said, “A lot of people stop looking for work as soon as they find a job.” If you have a job, work at it. Do more than is asked. Invest your life into your work while you’re there.

But this problem reaches far beyond work.

Parents often phone it in when it comes to parenting. Kids wonder through life detached from their parents. Providing our children a place to stay and some food to eat is not parenting. I’m against the hovering mom and the bodyguard dad, but kids need connection and engagement. I take Caleb to get donuts once a week. We catch a midnight movie (yes on school nights) from time to time. We do Fantasy Football together. Last night he came in my office when I was reading; I put down my book and the 14-year-old Boy sat in my lap and talked for a bit.

Spouses can fall into the habit of phoning it in as well. We get busy, stress wears on us and we sometimes are just beaten down with the demands of life. We forget to connect. No… that’s not right. We decide that the work of connection is too demanding. We take the absence of conflict as a fair trade for friendship, romance and even love. We need all of these. So laugh, flirt, romance and love; when these disappear, there is a phoning it in problem somewhere.

Lots of folks phone it in at church. Showing up is paying your dues. If you drop money in the basket, you did your duty and more. Supporting ministry, engaging real effort to serve others, looking for opportunities to bless those who are struggling, these are spiritual investments. The Old Book says, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might” Eccl 9:10. If your spiritual life is sitting in the pew, singing songs, enduring a lesson and suffering through Bible class – this is phoning it in.

No, I’m not great at this… probably why I’m writing. I just get the sense that sometimes we focus on the wrong things and phone it in where it really matters. What inspires us to greatness is not the guy who was adequate… it’s the guy who was exceptional. Seeing that girl who seems to love God more than air makes us wonder what we are missing. We envy couples who have a lot of miles on them and still have that light of romance in their eyes. My guess is that these folks ain’t phoning it in.

telemicus out

Do you remember the children’s nursery rhyme that starts with, “Sticks and stones may break my bones…?” What you soon learn about that rhyme is that it isn’t true. Words can hurt and they often do.

They are the wicked lashes of whips that rip the flesh from our emotional backs and leave us scarred for life. They form chains that bind us down and hold us captive to accusations and lies. Because of them, we construct prison walls to keep us safely out of reach from people for our protection. We gather them up and build our own arsenal of verbal weaponry to use on any who we feel threaten us. Words most certainly can hurt you.

This is why James wrote, “Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom” (2:12). The law that gives freedom is the law of love. Love demands that our words be gentle and kind. Love desires that our words and actions be compassionate and merciful. Of course, those who know me are screaming, “How can you say such things? You spout unkind, fierce, rude, judgmental political comments all the time.” I have to say this is sometimes true.

However, when I rail politically, it is generally not personal, but rather ideologically. For example, when I hate on the New York Yankees, it’s not personal, I don’t know any of them. But I hate what they represent in my world, from my own point of view. I am not trying to win converts to my side on these things, I’m cheering my own team. A cheerleader at a ballgame is not there to convince the opponents fans to change allegiance. Cheering our side inspires. I want people who agree with me to make some noise!

I have a couple of friends who are strongly in the camp of the political opposition from my own. Though they disagree with me, argue and challenge me, we do not attack each other personally. Mike and Bruce are good people who think different than I at times, that doesn’t make them Philistines. I don’t treat them, nor do they treat me, with disrespect.

Love calls us to realize that our words and actions will be judged by our own hearts and by the hearts of those who hear our words and receive our actions. Remember that love judges both our words and our actions. I hope I do better this week than last.

telemicus out

There’s been a lot of talk this week about Tea Parties. I know some people think that all the protesters are doing this because they don’t want to pay ANY taxes. That is not the case. Everyone, (not counting crazy people) knows that taxes are a necessary part of our social and government systems. The conflict is over the level of taxation and the fairness of its confiscation.

We live in a country, (one that I love and would proudly defend) that has some whacky tax situations. For example… my mother-in-law worked a part time job in which she earned about $2100 last year. She is in her 70s and is now disabled. But because the church that she worked for didn’t take the taxes out and filed on her as a self employed person, she had to pay almost $300 of that little amount in taxes. Something isn’t right.

There is a need for some reasonable changes in taxation. We are told that about 40% of all earners pay no taxes at all (meaning, no withholding—even the devil has to pay FICA). I heard this week that the top 10% of earners (those that earn the most) pay over 70% of the entire tax revenue that comes into the treasury. There is clearly a need for some sanity in this process. I don’t think that I’m smarter than many people, but I am smart enough to know there’s a better way.

When the wisest man to ever live passed from this life, he gave his son the role of King over Israel. His name was Rehoboam. When he became King the people asked him to cut their taxes so they could live with less of a burden. Rehoboam asked them to give him three days to think it over. He asked his father’s advisors and they gave good advice, but he rejected it. Then he asked his friends about cutting the taxes. They convinced him that it would serve their interests and make life better if he raised the taxes instead. So that’s what he did.

The people of Israel revolted (Tea Party) and the country divided. The nation never truly recovered from all the harm caused by a wise King who made foolish decisions and left an ill-equipped son to lead God’s people. Rehoboam never set his heart to follow God (2 Chronicles 12:14).

If they’re going to tax our tea, they had better know that there is a limit. If this young man president is going to listen to his ‘friends,’ tax like there is no tomorrow and spend like there is no end to the money; if he continues to proclaim, “only the government” then don’t be surprised if he ends up like another young king who divided the nation because he wouldn’t listen to wisdom, the people or set his heart to follow God.

telemicus out

When I was about thirteen, dad walked into my room and handed me a picture of a poem with a gold plastic frame. He said, “I want you to memorize this and I want you to hang it on your wall.” I never did get the whole thing memorized, but it did have enough impact on my life that I never forgot the opening stanza and I will never forget the assignment. The fifth stanza is occupying my thoughts this week. We are hearing a lot about bailouts, losses, toxic assets, layoffs, stimulus plans, accountability, etc. Like many of you, I’m weary of it all.

Somewhere the notion of losing became foreign to us. We have schools that won’t fail students who fail. Our kids play on sports teams that protect them from losing by refusing to keep score. Pro athletes get no cut, guaranteed contracts. During the mortgage fiasco, people got NINJA (No Income, No Job, no Assets) loans—and no accountability.

Life is hard. There are winners and losers. And most of the time we all experience moments of both heart crushing losses and thrilling victories. Risk and loss are part of life experience. I don’t care to hear people whine about their losses. It is part of our being here. Risk gives life flavor and texture. The danger can be thrilling and devastating. It can lead to tremendous loss and unimagined gain. To fail to risk is to fail to live. Kipling said . . .

If you can make one heap of all your winnings,
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss;

People in business should be required to face their losses with integrity. If you don’t want losses, be wiser. Return to the reality that in business a certain amount of risk is required. It’s true in life as well. I don’t know what to call people who want to be insulated from every loss. Sissy seems to be too nice, but some of the more pejorative words might be inappropriate (you may insert your term of choice here.)

I’d like to see just one of those C.E.O. types stand before Congress and say, “We loaned money to people who did not have the ability to pay it back. We will eat the loss and change the policies that led to this.” (Yes, I know the government forced some of that. Here again, integrity died on the alter of political expediency.) “We took a chance on product or resource development that did not pay off. We will take the loss and improve our research.” As Kipling said it, they need to take their losses, start again at their beginnings. In regard to their hard times and losses, I think they need to shut up and go to work.

telemicus out